The Baq Pack is expanding!

We’re having a baby!  

Officially expanding to 5 members this coming March.

Baby baq #3 announcemennt

Long post ahead and *Trigger Warning*. 

My husband and I had always envisioned that we would have three kids. Our plan was that our youngest would be less than 4 years younger than our second. But, before we knew it, our 2nd was turning 4 and we were nowhere near having a 3rd. So we started trying. We thought this would be easy. It wasn’t. 

I thought I would get pregnant the 1st month of trying. Or the 2nd. Or the 3rd. And then I did. And then it was lost. And then I did again. But again, we experienced loss. It was a weird loss—one that I wasn’t sure I could grieve. In the hopes of getting pregnant, I was really eager to find out each month if I was. I purchased all of the early detection tests. I got positive readings, I got excited, I even bought little baby booties as a way of telling my husband that I was pregnant….only to get a period shortly after. I would later come to know that I was experiencing something called a chemical pregnancy. I was pregnant, but they weren’t viable. These pregnancies were so short that I wondered “was I ever really pregnant?” and wrestled with whether or not I had the right to grieve. At the end of the day, I was heartbroken. 

I had gone to see a dr to see what was going on with my body, and that’s when I was referred to a gynecologic oncologist—yeah, cancer doctor of the reproductive organs. Without going into too much detail, the precancer terms were thrown around…and then some cutting, scraping, and lasering away bad tissue happened. 

After a month, my dr said we could continue trying, just try not to stress about it. But after much reflection, I was just thankful that I was able to walk away without this turning into something more. I was tired of being emotionally drained and started to think 3 kids just wasn’t in the cards for us. I just needed to be thankful I could be with my babies now.  I told my husband I didn’t want to try anymore. We were at peace with this decision. 

And then my period didn’t come…for awhile. I worried about getting my husband’s hopes up, so I called Janelle instead about what to do. 8 days late, I took a test. And there was the pregnant sign. Still not wanting to get our hopes up, we waited to see the ultrasound, and then another, and by the 3rd time we had an ultrasound, our OB said “Congratulations, this one has a strong heartbeat! This one is 99% viable.” 

99% viable.

These words swirled around for some time before I was able to process that we’re officially having a baby. 

TLDR: Did we want this 3rd baby? Yes.

 

❤️B

Let's talk allergies.

Before anything, I would like to provide this disclaimer:

I am in no way, shape, or form a medical professional. The information found on this website is not to be substituted for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. The information that is shared here is merely my own experience and personal opinion.

When I had my son it was only a matter of weeks before skin concerns began to arise. Instead of admiring “baby soft skin”, I found myself constantly going to the pediatrician for several skin issues. My son had cradle cap, baby acne, and many unexplained rashes. I was told many times that he will “outgrow it” and these were common ailments. Many times my barely-few-months old son was prescribed internal and topical steroids, and we were sent on our way. Honestly, I always felt ashamed when I left the pediatrician’s office. Every single visit, I was left feeling like I was overreacting.

Red and raw. These little legs left behind a bloody blanket.

So there I was, a new mom with a brand new baby who could not sleep more than an hour at a time. I was tired, hopeless, and quite frankly…I was embarrassed. I believed that each rash on my baby’s body signified my inability to be a good mom. What was I doing wrong to make by baby so miserable? What was I not seeing? What was I not doing correctly? Was I exposing him to something? Call it stubbornness, but I refused to just let it pass.

Maybe it’s the sheets.

Yeah, maybe he’s having an allergic reaction to the sheets.

Or can he be allergic to my breastmilk? Is that a real thing?

Can the food I eat be passed through my breastmilk? I mean alcohol can, so food might, too. Right?

I had a gut feeling these were all allergic reactions to something. These questions kept me up one night and, like a mad woman, I began doing my research a la Google.

There it is. I cracked the code. It was what I was eating. Eager to bring my findings to the pediatrician, I scheduled a doctor’s appointment first thing in the morning. Still covered in the constant rashes, I brought my son in and told the pediatrician my suspicions. Guess what he did?

He laughed.

He laughed, and told me that barely anything gets passed through breastmilk. That maybe, if anything, 2% of food gets passed through—barely enough to cause a skin reaction. He prescribed us Prednisone, Mupirocin, and topical steroids once again, and sent us on our way.

I remember being so fucking pissed. Maybe I was wrong about the allergy thing, but constantly prescribing damn steroids to a baby just didn’t feel right to me. Okay doctor, maybe I’m naive, but for the love of God, HELP ME GET TO THE ROOT OF THIS. I get that it will ~sOoN pAsS~, but you’re talking to a mother who is taking care of a baby that literally cannot sleep for more than an hour because of how uncomfortable he is. I’m talking about skin so uncomfortable that my baby was rubbing his limbs on whatever surface until they bled just to get some relief. Maybe I didn’t know what the hell I was talking about, but to laugh in my face? That was the final straw with this pediatrician. I wanted preventative care. I wanted someone who would help me be proactive about achieving healthy skin for my baby, not reactive.

my baby finally fell asleep after an all-nighter.

My baby, and his poor skin, was covered in red patches that cracked and oozed.

And yes, I tried the bleach bath.

Yes, I had a moisturizing routine for him.

Yes, I considered essential oils.

Yes, I tried Shea Butter.

And African Black Soap.

And Aquaphor.

And Cetaphil.

And Mustela.

Yes. Yes. yes.

Nothing worked. These didn’t get to the bottom of it. What was the cause of these rashes or (what the doctor was diagnosing it as) eczema? I needed to do something to get my baby comfortable and find some doctor who wasn’t just going to slap a band-aid on him and call it a day.

I found another pediatrician. And then another. And then another. Call me crazy, but I went through four pediatricians. I needed one who wanted to get to the root of it and not just offer steroids. We finally met a doctor who listened, and although she said it will probably pass, she also said

“Why let him suffer? Let’s get him comfortable.”

She suggested allergy testing, and I damn near hugged her.

Wouldn’t you know it, my baby was HIGHLY allergic to eggs, dairy, peanuts, and fish. He was also allergic to wheat, tree nuts, and soy. Guess what my diet consisted of back then? In an attempt to be healthy, I was eating fish, egg whites, and almonds almost daily.

By the time we found out this information, we were bottle-feeding my son the breastmilk I was able to store (my supply dried up, probably from all of the stress), and formula as a supplement. Already feeling guilty that I hadn’t been able to exclusively breastfeed anymore, I cried as I tossed out hundreds of ounces of breastmilk that I worked so hard to save up.

Now that we knew what he was allergic to, we tried our best to eliminate it all, but it was also extremely difficult to find formula that contained neither dairy nor soy. It wasn’t until we moved to San Diego that we found absolute relief.

I was skeptical bringing my son to yet another new pediatrician in our new city, but we had to. This doctor had a strange designation at the end of his title though. Instead of the common M.D., his ended with D.O. Was this a real doctor? Absolutely.

And we couldn’t have been more lucky. Apparently a D.O. “tend[s] to choose areas such as general internal medicine, pediatrics and family medicine that allow them to focus on holistic wellness.” (BTW, D.O. stands for Doctor of Osteopathic Medicine). This pediatrician was a godsend. He listened, he was empathetic, and he offered solutions beyond steroids. He led us to a formula called Neocate that contained neither dairy nor soy, but met all of my baby’s nutritional needs. And he referred us to an allergist.

I am so thankful that we were sent to an allergist. Overtime, we worked with the allergist to help my son outgrow his allergies. My son was able to eat solid foods at that point and it was so scary how many things were out there that could trigger a severe allergic reaction with him. There were many times a well-meaning relative or friend accidentally fed him something he was allergic to. Although we carried Epi-pens and had them stashed everywhere, we never needed to use them. Our allergist taught us what to look out for and how to respond. We were finally given the proper tools. We were finally well-informed and well-prepared.

My son did eventually outgrow most of them. He’s still allergic to nuts and slightly allergic to dairy, but he ate his first egg when he was 3! We’ve learned my son’s tell-tale signs, hives on the bottom of his left cheek, and monitor them closely. He is also 5 now, so he can tell us when he starts to get itchy. To this day, we do not go anywhere without a bottle of Children’s Benadryl. We’re thankful that he has never gone into anaphylactic shock—I can only imagine how terrifying that would be.

This whole experience was beyond frustrating, especially as a new mom. If this story somehow resonates with you, I feel you, mama. You’re not crazy and you’re not overreacting. You’re simply a mom who wants her baby to be happy and comfortable. That in itself makes you a great mom.

Edit post: I really want to emphasize that what I’ve written should not be taken as medical advice, it is simply my experience and my opinion. The biggest takeaway should be to not allow one professional to silence you. Trust your gut. Get a second or third professional opinion. Get to the bottom of it.

The first time my baby had clear skin without the help of steroids